Wait... I Can't Have ADHD. The 'H' in ADHD Doesn't Mean What You Think
- Jackie Waldman
- Aug 5
- 3 min read
ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a misleading name, part of why so many go undiagnosed. A previous blog covered “Attention Deficit”: people with ADHD can focus deeply, even to hyperfocus, but struggle to regulate where that attention goes. That blog, plus one on hyperfocus, is linked below. ⬇️
Today we’re diving into the “Hyperactivity” part of the name.
Misconception: People who don’t appear hyperactive don’t have ADHD. Without the obvious signs, they’re often written off as a daydreamer, spacey, lazy, unmotivated, or “just” anxious, rather than someone who might have ADHD. In reality, ADHD can show up as hyperactivity, impulsivity, or inattentiveness, or any combination of the three.
Here’s the interesting part: we tend to picture a kid who can’t sit still in class, but it doesn’t always look that way. Hyperactivity can be internal, meaning someone who appears calm or zoned out can have a lot going on inside.
Here’s what that can look like at different ages:
● Fidgetiness - A teen twirls their hair through dinner. An adult clicks a pen or scrolls while the TV plays.
● Racing thoughts - A teen’s mind jumps from homework to group chat to lunch drama, all in one minute. An adult lies awake replaying the day. Not worry, just thoughts moving fast. As one meme puts it, “I have ADHD. I have more thoughts
before breakfast than you have in a day.” (ADHD and sleep issues go hand in hand.)
● Talking incessantly…(and not always at the right time). A teen cuts off a parent mid-sentence. An adult hogs a conversation, not from rudeness, but fear of forgetting what they wanted to say.
● Impulsivity - A teen agrees to weekend plans without checking if they have time. An adult buys an item in bulk off social media, convinced it will change his life.
● Impatience - A kid can’t sit through a car ride without asking “are we there yet” over and over. An adult feels that restlessness in traffic or a line.
● Constant task switching - A kid starts a bike ride, stops to look at something, wanders off, bike forgotten in the driveway. An adult has five open tabs and a home project stalled for months.
● Irritability - A teen snaps at a sibling over something small. An adult snaps over something minor, then feels guilty about it.
● Distractibility - A kid loses the thread of a dinner conversation and asks what they were just talking about. An adult rereads the same email and still doesn’t absorb it.
Notice something? Whether it’s a ten-year-old or a sixty-year-old, every one of those examples happens on the inside. No bouncing off the walls, no obvious tell, just a mind working overtime while the body sits still.
That’s why so many teens and adults, women especially, never think of themselves as hyperactive. The label doesn’t fit, even while they’re quietly struggling with racing thoughts, restlessness, and a trail of half-finished things.
If this sounds familiar, in you or your teen, it’s worth a second look. Hyperactivity doesn’t always look like what we were taught to expect, and nobody should keep struggling just because their version was quiet.
If you need support, schedule a complimentary zoom at calendly.com/jwaldmancoaching.
Always remember…Be kind to yourself on your journey. ♥️
Jackie
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