How can I have ADHD? I can focus…Well, Sometimes… Through the Eyes of a Parent and Child

You Can't Have ADHD If You Can Focus. Right? 

Could the name "ADHD: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder" be one reason so many people go undiagnosed? 

Is ADHD really a deficit of attention? 

Consider a mom and her 9-year-old son who are struggling in ways that don't seem to make sense. The son is an avid reader, obsessed with history and how things work, but classwork is an ongoing struggle and homework feels nearly impossible. 

His teacher reports that he is fully engaged during lessons: listening, participating, and showing genuine interest. Yet when it comes to independent work, the page is blank. This has been the pattern since kindergarten, and teachers have gently suggested that Mom speak to their pediatrician. She knows what they're implying: ADHD. She can't believe it's possible. How could a child who can spend hours absorbed in books possibly have ADHD? 

At the same time, Mom notices similar patterns in her own life. She loves her career and the work feels natural, engaging, and even energizing. Managing a home, however, with everything that involves, has always been very, very difficult. She is exhausted. She jokingly calls herself "domestically challenged," but quietly wonders why some parts of life come so naturally while others that seem simple for everyone else feel nearly impossible. 

What the "deficit" part gets wrong 

This is what makes the "Attention Deficit" part of ADHD so misleading. The truth is that people with ADHD can focus, and in some areas, can focus extremely well.

Sound familiar? You are not alone. Many parents, teachers and adults wonder the same thing. 

"My husband can't have ADHD. He has no trouble paying attention to sports or work projects." 

"My kid can't have ADHD. They're glued to video games for hours." 

“My student can’t have ADHD. Put a sketchbook in front of her and she is laser focused, and completely in her own world. "

The activity doesn’t have to be sports, work projects, video games or art. It can be replaced with almost anything: 

● TikTok or YouTube 

● Music 

● Reading 

● Math, writing, or home improvement projects 

The possibilities are endless!! 

But both things can be true at the same time. A person can pay deep attention to certain things and still have ADHD. In fact, this is exactly how ADHD works for most people. 

An "intention disorder," not an attention disorder 

Researcher Russell Barkley describes ADHD as an "Intention Disorder," because: 

"ADHDers know what to do. They can't do what they know." 

People with ADHD struggle to regulate their attention, not simply to pay it. This is a biological difference. According to Susan Lasky, M.A., BCC, SCAC, a regular contributor to ADDitude magazine, "ADHD brains are naturally low on dopamine and norepinephrine, which control brain arousal and attention levels." The result is a wide gap between activities that fall within a person's strengths and those that don't. 

For both Mom and her son, some tasks flow effortlessly while others that seem easy to everyone else feel like torture. 

The missing piece 

Understanding that ADHD is not about having attention but about regulating it was the missing piece of the puzzle. For Mom, it finally explained why her son struggled so much with independent work despite being so capable in so many other areas. Shortly after, he received an ADHD diagnosis and began getting the help he needed. So much of Mom's own life suddenly made sense too. 

With a name that leads with "Attention Deficit," it is no wonder so many people don't recognize ADHD in themselves or their loved ones and go on struggling without the support they deserve. 

As for the "Hyperactivity" component of ADHD… that is a whole other problem. Check out the next blog in this series. 

If you would like strategies to help you get into focus, click here .