JUST PAY ATTENTION!!...It has about a 0% success rate! Now what?
- Jackie Waldman
- Mar 26
- 3 min read
For those of us with Executive Function Challenges with or without ADHD, whether we’re adults, parents, or students, we have been told:
“Just pay attention”
“Just focus.”
“Are you listening?”
Here is another one of my faves (Can you feel the sarcasm?)
“Why can you focus on _______ (Insert high interest activity) and not ____? (insert the thing you’re supposed to be doing but can’t seem to start.)
…and more
All of which we would do if we could. It is not a choice.
And as the title says...JUST PAY ATTENTION!!...It has about a 0% success rate along with:
“Calm down”
and,
“Just go to sleep!
These statements often leave us feeling like failures and wrapped in guilt and shame and for parents, they can also strain relationships with kids; for students, they can impact confidence at school; for adults, they can echo in work and home life.
Why does this happen?
Managing our attention is difficult, because ADHD is a regulation challenge, not an effort or willpower problem.
It’s not that we cannot pay attention. In fact, there are plenty of things we can focus on just fine.
Here is the real issue…
We cannot reliably control where our attention goes.
We can’t always make it do what we want it to do in class, at work, or while managing home and family life.
The Role of Distractions
Attention challenges are also heavily impacted by distractions- both external and internal.
External Distractions
These are the ones most people think of:
● Noise from people or the environment
● A cluttered or uncomfortable workspace
● Too much or too little light
● And of course… our phones and notifications
For students, this might be a noisy classroom or busy homework space. For parents and adults, it might be a chaotic household, constant interruptions, or work demands.
Internal Distractions
What often gets overlooked are the internal ones:
● Hunger or thirst
● Lack of sleep
● Worry, stress, racing thoughts
● Emotional overwhelm …and more
Students may be worrying about grades or friendships, parents about their kids and responsibilities, and adults about work, finances, or relationships—all of which pull on attention.
NOW WHAT?-
Help is on the way!
For external distractions-
● Clear your space so that only what you need to do the task is visible.
● If you are working on a computer, close all unrelated tabs.
● Consider putting your phone in another room.
● If the task is too overwhelming, break it into small manageable steps..
● Use noise canceling headphones, music or white noise whatever works for your brain.
● Use fidgets. Fidgets support regulation and focus through sensory input (touch, sound, movement). Doodling, paper clips, or stress balls can all help improve focus.
Students can set up a simple, distraction-reduced homework spot.
Parents and adults might create a “focus zone” for work, bills, or household tasks.
For internal distractions -
● Keep a notepad nearby labeled: “Things to Think About Later.” When unrelated thoughts pop up, write them down and return to your task.
● Tell yourself “Just start.”
● Set a timer for you to work on your task of 20 minutes. Then ask “Am I still on track?”
● If yes—take a short break: stretch, drink water, step outside for fresh air. Then set another timer.
○ (No screens during breaks—those usually pull you off course.)
● If you’re off track—no shaming. Look at what isn’t working and make the steps smaller if needed.
● And yes-use fidgets here too. They work for internal distractions as well!
This works whether the task is homework, answering work emails, or tackling family logistics like forms, scheduling, or meal planning.
Summing up - Attention challenges are real.
They are not a choice, but with the right tools and strategies, people can work with their brains rather than against them.
And with the right tools and strategies, people can learn to work with their brains instead of against them whether they’re navigating school as students, juggling family life as parents, or managing careers and responsibilities as adults.
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